[2022-11-16] HOPE
Today's message from Action for Happiness is about HOPE, which they equate to Hold On Pain Ends. It's both simple and profound. Easy to remember and easy to forget. Why is it easy to forget? Because when we're in pain—be it physical or emotional—we sometimes think that it will always be thus. It's this fear that the pain will never end that can lead to a loss of hope.
The Action for Happiness message reminded me of a fact sheet on men and suicide that crossed my social media feed a few days ago. In its Men and Suicide Fact Sheet, the Mental Health Commission of Canada shares the sad reality that almost 75% of the 4,000 suicides per year in Canada are among men. The fact sheet states:
Middle-aged men (40 to 60) die by suicide more than anyone, including young people and women (Statistics Canada, 2019). Men are often socialized not to talk about their emotions. As a result, men as a group may mask their stress and deal with emotional pain through harmful behaviours and actions, and sometimes suicide, instead of seeking help (Ogrodniczuk & Oliffe, 2011).
I don't like to think about this reality, let alone write about it. But when a subject comes up several times in close succession, I take it as a sign that I need to write about it. Perhaps someone reading this blog post is looking for hope—reassurance that if they hold on, the pain will end.
The fact sheet includes a list of warning signs that someone may be thinking about suicide, including losing interest in activities they previously enjoyed, disconnecting from friends and family, using more alcohol or drugs, being more irritable or angry, and making comments about hopelessness or feeling like a burden.
But the fact sheet also presents three factors that can build resilience in men:
- Looking for support when needed. "Men who seek help for overwhelming emotions are more likely to get it before they consider suicide."
- Being comfortable showing and expressing emotion. "Men who embrace their emotions and the importance of sharing them with others are better able to cope, as they are more likely to deal with them before they become overwhelming."
- Having positive, supportive and close relationships with family, friends, coworkers, etc. "Supportive people can be asked for help and offer it; they provide a safety net when a man is struggling."
The fact sheet concludes with this advice, which we can all take to heart: "Pay attention to your friends and, if you’re worried about someone, start a conversation. Ask questions and listen to what they’re saying. Let them know you’re there for them, and encourage them to reach out to others."
For its part, Action for Happiness provides helpful guidance to cultivate resilience. It reminds us that:
Being resilient doesn’t mean we will never feel pain, upset, hurt, sadness, fear or anger when we experience difficult times. It means in the moment or over time we can find ways to cope constructively, accept what has happened, adapt and eventually move forward.
Among the organization's suggestions for dealing with adversity is something called active coping.
We can’t always predict or control what life throws at us, but there is always something we can try, even if it’s tiny. Active coping involves acknowledging the difficulties we are experiencing and finding something constructive to try to make today or tomorrow slightly better, rather than avoiding our problems.
By doing something, we help to alleviate the feeling that nothing will help. And this can contribute to hope.
