[2022-12-04] Freudenfreude
Perhaps you've heard of schadenfreude (pleasure derived from another person's misfortune) but not freudenfreude (pleasure derived from another person's success).
In her recent New York Times article The Opposite of Schadenfreude Is Freudenfreude. Here’s How to Cultivate It, Juli Fraga writes:
Finding pleasure in another person’s good fortune is what social scientists call "freudenfreude," a term (inspired by the German word for "joy") that describes the bliss we feel when someone else succeeds, even if it doesn’t directly involve us. Freudenfreude is like social glue, said Catherine Chambliss, a professor of psychology at Ursinus College. It makes relationships "more intimate and enjoyable."
Fraga identifies a number of benefits that come with taking delight in others' successes:
- Vicarious happiness, when someone else's good feelings rub off on us.
- Inspiration to perform acts of kindness and to help others.
- Resilience.
- Greater satisfaction with life.
- More cooperation during a conflict.
And while Fraga acknowledges that it can be hard for some people to experience freudenfreude—such as those whose mental health or overall well-being is challenged—she contends that it is worth cultivating joy associated with other people's realizations. Indeed, applauding a friend's progress can enhance our relationship with them and improve our mood.
How to generate freudenfreude
- Show interest in other people's happiness. Ask questions about their achievements.
- View individual success as a communal triumph. When we elevate others, we often elevate ourselves.
- Share credit for your successes with others. Tell others when their achievement or support contributed to your accomplishment. This increases freudenfreude for you, as the gratitude giver, and for your recipient, as the gratitude receiver.
- Become a joy spectator. "Cultivate joy by inviting others to share their victories. You might ask: 'What was the bright spot of your day?' or 'I could use some good news. What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?'"
This morning, I shared a quote with my daughter about best friends:
Why we need best friends, because they laugh at the same stupid things we do. Because they give us honest advice. Because they will be there for us, even if they're thousands of miles away. Because they celebrate with us when we're at our best, but still love us at our worst.
I told Mel that the quote reminded me of her relationship with a particular friend. Mel told me that the quote reminded her of my relationship with my sister. It truly is comforting to have someone in our lives with whom we can share our successes, knowing that they will cheer us on and share their own happiness in return. That's freudenfreude.
