I had coffee with a friend and former colleague today, and recalled a model we had come across when we worked together in the Canadian Forest Service at Natural Resources Canada. The model was called Relationships, Possibilities, Action.

The idea is that before a group of individuals can move to action, they need to explore the possibilities, and before they can explore the possibilities, they need to build relationships with each other. Only then, can the group take action.

I've always loved this model, and quote it often, especially when I see a group that is struggling to make progress on a project. The missing ingredient is often trusting relationships between the members of the project team.

I have found that, in many spheres of my life, I am less likely to "buy" what you're "selling" if I have no relationship with you, no sense of your values, no trust that you have my interests at heart as well as your own.

Several years ago, a fellow public servant tweeted an infographic about warmth in leadership. It included this statement: "Before people decide what they think of your message, they decide what they think of you." That reminded me of a similar quote from teacher Rita Pierson, who said in her TED talk, "kids don’t learn from people they don’t like." So whether we're trying to reach people or teach people (or change their behaviour or motivate them to take action), it's worth taking time to get to know them and to help them get to know us.

In the Canadian Forest Service, we emphasized relationships and invested time in face-to-face meetings—not just in Ottawa, but in all regions of the country. Such gatherings created a base of trust that made us comfortable delving into possibilities and moving forward with actions that we could all support.

The Relationships, Possibilities, Action model that I learned while working in the Canadian Forest Service influenced my leadership style for the rest of my career.