[2023-05-07] Antidote for rejection
In the spring of 1989, after completing my first year of university, I interviewed for a summer job with the Canadian National Institute for the Blind. I didn't get it. In rejecting me, the CNIB officials told me that they had offered the job to a visually impaired student. While I was disappointed, I knew that their choice made perfect sense. Some weeks later, Veterans Affairs Canada called to offer me a summer job. I accepted it. They would call me back the following two summers—an experience that set the stage for my eventual career in the Public Service.
I thought of that this evening when I came across this quote by Steve Maraboli: "Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good I was actually being redirected to something better." I thought about other occasions in my career when I had been rejected or had almost rejected myself only to land in a good place.
In 1995, the part of Natural Resources Canada in which I worked at the time had been split in two and joined with other sectors in the department. Those of us who provided corporate services to this organization were assigned to one of the two new sectors. One by one, employees were called into a boardroom and informed of where they would go: sector A or sector B. My boss and I were the exceptions. The two sectors gave us the option of choosing which sector we wanted to work in and 24 hours to provide an answer. If we chose different sectors, our preferences would be honoured. Later that day, my boss asked me which sector I was interested in. "A," I said. "Hmmm, me too," he replied, then added, "But maybe they'll take you too." Clearly, he was of the view that if we chose the same sector, they would take him over me. That evening, I wondered whether I should choose Sector B, seeing it as a foregone conclusion given my boss' preference for Sector A. But the following day, I decided to stick with my original choice. To my surprise, sector A chose me. I would go on to spend almost ten years with that organization.
Before becoming the Assistant Deputy Minister of Communications at Health Canada in 2016, I applied for two other ADM jobs. I was screened out of both at the application stage. For one, my experience was too operational, not strategic enough; for the other, my experience was too strategic, not operational enough. It made little sense to me. However, once again, those rejections were followed by something better.
In your career and in your life, sometimes you are accepted, valued and cherished; other times, you are rejected, ignored and excluded. When the latter happens, it hurts. Often, you remember the sting of neglect for years.
You could choose to take a kind interpretation of the situation, telling yourself, as Ash Sweeney suggested, "Rejection doesn't have to mean you aren't good enough; it often just means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer." Don't beat yourself up, assuming that you're being ignored because you are unworthy. You are enough.
Rejection can make you want to retreat, to give up, to stop putting yourself out there so as to avoid that pain in the future. Perhaps it would help to remember, as Greg Daugherty said, "Rejected pieces aren't failures; unwritten pieces are." So keep producing until you find the yes among the no's. Someone needs what you have to give.
And when the kind interpretation feels disingenuous, you can tell yourself, as an unknown author counselled, "You're only overlooked, rejected and ignored by the people who are not meant to be in your life. Let go in peace. Look ahead in gratitude." Focus on the people who know your worth.
Let go in peace. Look ahead in gratitude.
