[2023-07-13] Good morning, good night and recovery day 6
In December 2020, I wrote a blog post about a book I had received called Gmorning, Gnight! It was written by Lin-Manuel Miranda, the American songwriter, actor, director and producer best known for creating the Broadway musicals Hamilton and In the Heights. The book included a selection of tweets that Miranda would post to his Twitter account each day—one in the morning and one at night. The messages were often ones he needed to hear himself, as the subtitle of his book suggests: little pep talks for me & you.
Today, I shared with a friend the Gmorning greeting from one of my favourite pairs from the book:
Gmorning.
This feeling will pass.
This workload will pass.
These people will pass.
But look at you, with the gift of memory.
You can time travel to the good stuff
just by closing your eyes & breathing.
Then come right back to now,
eyes up for the good stuff ahead.
You magic thing. | Gnight.
The moment will pass.
This fatigue will pass.
Tonight will pass.
But look at you, with the gift of imagination.
You can teleport to where you're happiest just by closing your eyes & breathing.
Then come right back to now,
check in with the present.
You magic thing, you. |
I needed this message—as much as I imagine my friend did. When I woke up this morning, I was in pain. I immediately reached for my pain medications, realizing that it had been five hours since my last dose of Tylenol and Advil. The pain subsided once I had settled myself at the kitchen table to eat breakfast with my daughter—a combination of remaining still and letting the drugs take effect.
So it was appropriate to recall Miranda's message that "This feeling will pass." This pain will pass. This recovery phase will pass. This doubt will pass. I have recovered from other illnesses, treatments and surgeries, and I will recover from this one. There will be good stuff ahead. My body is magical. It will heal.
And I reminded my friend that there was good in our past, and there will be good in our future. Today, we hold on, gritting our teeth if we must, wiping away the tears if they come, giving ourselves permission to be exactly where we are.
This afternoon, I went to the General Campus of The Ottawa Hospital for an appointment with my plastic surgeon. I was seen by Dr. Wong, an associate of Dr. Zhang. Dr. Wong didn't seem surprised to hear about the sharp pains that I get in my breasts from time to time, what I call the steely stabbies. She didn't offer an answer or a solution, but neither did she look alarmed. I was left to believe that this is completely normal.
She asked whether I was experiencing any fevers or chills. No.
We talked about my drains. She didn't seem to be surprised that I continue to drain more than 20 mL of fluid from each breast each day. I need to be below this threshold for two consecutive days before a drain can be taken out.
Dr. Wong removed all the bandages that Nurse Hannah had so carefully applied yesterday, telling me that the bandages could have come off 48 hours after surgery. As I have often found myself, air is the best remedy for healing skin. She examined my breasts and incisions and told me that everything looks good. She advised me to wear a sports bra.
When I got home, I tried to put on a sports bra but couldn't (it was far too awkward and painful). So I asked Chris to help. We tried pulling the bra on over my head but that was both impossible and excruciating. He then had the brilliant idea of going from the bottom up rather than the top down. So I stepped into the bra, and he shimmied it up past my hips and waist (not as hard as I thought it would be), then helped me to carefully put my arms through the straps. Ta-da!
Now that the sports bra is in place, I feel better than before I put it on. I'm hoping that this additional support eliminates the steely stabbies.
After today's ups and downs, I decided to reread Gmorning, Gnight, pulling out one additional pair of messages to share with you:
Gmorning!
Your mind is yours alone.
Do what it takes to make yourself comfy.
Build a library in there, play some music.
Make it your home. | Gnight!
Your mind is yours alone.
Do what it takes to make yourself comfy.
Draw the blinds, kick out unwelcome guests.
Make it your home. |
I love the idea of thinking of our mind as a special place—a sanctuary that we protect and make comfortable. Be gentle with yourself, be kind to yourself, and make yourself comfortable—in body and mine.
