[2023-08-30] Share
I met a friend for a walk and coffee today. We've both faced health challenges in the last few years—ovarian cancer plus prophylactic mastectomy for me, breast cancer plus prophylactic oophorectomy (surgical removal of ovaries) for her. We've recovered from multiple operations, adapted to strong medications, and reassured loved ones that we were fine and that everything would be okay. We occasionally think about the possibility of cancer recurrence or progression, but sweep those thoughts away, as they're not helpful. We feel good (even great) despite everything we've been through. We are positive, optimistic and grateful, but also realistic about the hardships we've endured.
Sometimes I underestimate the challenges that others are facing. Texts and brief chats are often short on details. But a walk outside or a coffee in a quiet café (or both) can beget a much deeper discussion about how individuals are really feeling.
Today's conversation with my friend reminded me of the oft-repeated quote "Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" or the less common "Be kind; everyone you meet is carrying a heavy burden." I like the latter better. Sometimes, we face a difficult period, picking up a heavy burden, dealing with it and putting it back down again. Other times, we continue to carry the heavy burden, experiencing long-term consequences from a disease or its treatment, for example.
Burdens can be invisible, such as a hidden disability, an unresolved mental health issue, or a lingering pain. Someone might look fine but be struggling to get adequate sleep. Another person might be mourning the loss of a loved one even while trying to get on with life. A third person might be dealing with a problem at work.
Hearing the details of my friend's health journey today made me feel less alone. I was reminded of the BBC podcast Desert Island Discs, which has been my bedtime listen for the past few weeks. In each episode, the host asks a famous guest to identify 8 songs (the discs), 1 book and 1 luxury item they would want to have with them if marooned on a desert island. But the host also talks to each castaway about their life. What has struck me most in listening to these fascinating interviews is that every single person has faced misfortune, such as addiction, a grave illness, an imprisoned father, a disability that left the person feeling vulnerable, or the loss of a parent at a young age. I take solace in that fact, recalling that life is both messy and magical for everyone.
My own versions of the above quotes would be these:
- Be kind: others are going through more challenges than you realize.
- Share: as you disclose the difficulties you're facing, you are helping someone else cope with their own hardships.
