In a recent conversation with a friend, he said, "There's no shortcut to experience." That resonated with me (so much so that I jotted it down). It reminded me of the old saying that good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgement. In other words, our mistakes form part of our experience, and our experience leads us to better judgement in future. And, as my friend's words suggested, we often have to figure things out for ourselves: others' experience is usually not a shortcut to our own experience.

For years, I wanted to prevent my children from making choices that my previous bad judgement and experience had taught me were not good. That could be as simple as what to wear and as complex as what to put in a university application. I'm learning—and probably will need to work on this for the rest of my life—to let go and allow my children and others I love to gain their own experience. I intervene if I think a choice they're about to make is particularly unwise, sharing why I feel that way, which usually entails my telling a story from my own life. But I also back down when the person is adamant that they know best (often they do) or when I realize that the risks are small.

My friend's comment also reminded me of Maya Angelou's wise advice: "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." It's such a kind way of respecting someone else's autonomy and of recognizing that bad judgement is typically not the end of the story. We can make the wrong choice, learn from that, and make a better decision in the future.