A friend wrote to me recently to share an idea for keeping track of the compliments we receive. She said:

We spend so much more time and attention on what hurts. Human nature.... I have a colleague who hands out sparkly cards. Blank squares of cardboard the size of a post it. One side is covered in glitter. The idea is that when someone pays a compliment or says something positive we should write it down and save them for those emotional rainy days to remind ourselves of our worth and value.

My friend's comment about our focus on the negative is borne out by the experts. Writing in The Washington Post (Why we often remember the bad better than the good), Allie Caren states:

Many studies suggest that we are more likely to remember negative experiences over positive experiences, and according to Laura Carstensen, a psychology professor at Stanford University, in general, we tend to notice the negative more than the positive.

A "kudos folder" or a "smile file" or a "compliments journal" is one way to counter that tendency by helping us to focus on the positive, to recall what we're doing well and to recognize what others appreciate in us.

Though I've kept emails, cards and social media comments in various places over the years, I've never been entirely systematic about the process. My friend's comment reminded me of the value of sustaining the practice of collecting past praise, and the even greater value of actually rereading them from time to time.

Today, I dug into one such repository: a folder in Evernote simply called Kudos. I came across two emails from colleagues at Natural Resources Canada (NRCan), whom I didn't know very well and yet had influenced. The first read:

Before I move on to my next job, I want to let you know how much your leadership has shaped who I am as a leader today. You always seek to be a fearless agent of change to make our world a better, more inclusive and caring place. When I look at you, I see a woman who is professionally and personally successful and is not afraid to express her caring, vulnerable and feminine self. You have shown me that it is possible to be yourself in any work environment and still have the respect of your colleagues. If I have the courage to defend my values and show integrity in my workplace, it is because you have inspired me to do so. I am stronger in the job I will start on Monday because you are such a strong role model for me. I am sure I am not the only person who is drawing strength from the example you are showing us and I want to thank you in our names.

The second read:

I’m writing to you as an ex-NRCan colleague who very much appreciated your Café Jen blog. For many years now, I’ve had a copy of one of your blog posts pinned on my office wall, where I can read it every now and then. It is, IMHO, a seven item "master course" on initiating conversations with the people we supervise, based on your reading of Solomon (?), who is paraphrased within your blog post. I printed and used the French version, which started with "1. Voici ce que j’apprécie de toi et de ta contribution". I want to let you know that this document has been very helpful. I’ve tried to use the simple yet powerful ideas that are presented and have found that conversations, even the difficult ones, are a positive experience for all parties involved.

I’ll be retiring in a few weeks, after 31 years.... As I wind down my career, I’m pleased (and fortunate) to report that some of my younger colleagues have asked me about what I’ve learned – their questions mostly deal with the "art" of managing people, finding balance and adapting to change. I’ve photocopied my dog-eared and slightly jaundiced copy of your blog post and shared it with them. I hope that it will be as helpful to them as it has been to me.

For those who are interested, a year ago, I brought the content of the blog post my former colleague had copied from Café Jen into Jenesis: Enhancing communication with employees.

Solange Uwimana, an Editor at LinkedIn News, asked readers Do you keep a 'kudos' folder? She noted that career coaches say that such a folder can be helpful to review on those days when nothing seems to be going right. The collection could include "praise from bosses, colleagues, or customers, to help give you that mental or confidence boost on an otherwise bad day."

Several thoughtful commenters responded with reasons to keep a kudos folder. Danielle Guzman offered these reasons for maintaining a compliments file:

Megan Witherspoon added this reason to keep a smile file:

And Shelby Kleinfeldt (Ward) reminded us that:

That final statement is so important. Whether we receive praise for things we do in a job or things we do in a volunteer capacity, in our communities or in our personal lives, the mental boost that can come from rereading past compliments is immense.

How you keep track of feel-good messages is up to you. There's no one best strategy, and many people may have more than one approach. When I first started my medical leave, I kept an electronic inspiration file where I collected in a series of documents in Evernote the many messages I had received through email, texts and social media apps. I continue to place in a beautiful, colourful box every physical card I have received since being diagnosed with ovarian cancer. When I retired, I brought home folders of kudos that I had tucked away over the years. Some people keep a physical journal where they write down positive messages from others or paste in cards, letters and printed emails; they can even record notes to themselves of challenges they've overcome. Others create a digital scrapbook, including screenshots of text conversations, photos and scans of handwritten compliments. And others, like my friend, capture positive comments on pretty cards.

"Emotional rainy days," as my friend called them, come for many reasons: challenges at work, obstacles in our personal lives, loneliness. We all deserve to have a smile file.