[2024-01-10] The THINK acronym

Monday's post, Sharing insights and meaning, struck a chord with many of you. Several people commented on how mean, insensitive, unkind and upsetting it was for a reader of Michelle Hughes' blog about her stage 4 incurable cancer to criticize her for making her posts all about her. While some acknowledged that the commenter must be in a dark place themselves, several suggested that the commenter isn't forced to read Michelle's blog and should take a vacation from reading it if it doesn't suit them.

One Jenesis reader—horrified by the comment Michelle received—told me that she reads personal blogs precisely because they reflect someone else's journey, not in spite of this. She wrote: "I like reading about other’s experiences, good and bad, honest and forthright, because it inspires me, saddens me, and I reflect on the world, and my own personal journey while I read."

One fellow cancer thriver and blogger admitted that she has limited her own writings as she has felt unsupported at times, but added that this should not stop us from sharing our insights and stories. And another person wisely said: "it's hard when we write from the heart and not everyone can receive what we write the way we mean it to land. And while people are entitled to their opinions, it can be a kindness not to share them... and kindness like this is not as easy for some as for others."

In response to that last comment, I wrote: "I like the acronym THINK. Is what I'm about to say true, helpful, inspiring (or does it improve on silence), necessary and kind? If a comment is not all or most of these things, it's probably best left unsaid."

I can't remember when I first came across the THINK acronym. It's challenging to find the origin of the mnemonic device for pausing before making a comment.

In a blog post, The Smile Project identified three possible sources:
  • Bernard Meltzer, a US radio host and author, is quoted as saying: "Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid."
  • A Buddhist tradition states: "Monks, a statement endowed with five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken.... It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of good-will."
  • The international service organization Rotary uses a four-part test to ask of the things we think, say or do, "Is it the truth? Is it fair to all concerned? Will it build goodwill and better friendships? Will it be beneficial to all concerned?"
In response to a post about the THINK acronym by Emma-Louise Elsey of The Coaching Tools Company, several people offered still other sources of the acronym:
  • Alan Redpath, a UK evangelist, is quoted as saying, "THINK before you speak. Is it True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, Kind?"
  • A Buddhist or Sufi saying suggests that "Before you speak, let your words pass through 3 gates: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?"
  • The original word corresponding with the letter "I" may have been important, rather than intriguing or improving on silence.
  • Al-Anon and Co-dependents Anonymous (CoDA) use different versions of the THINK tool.
Whatever the source, I have always liked the THINK acronym, though I tend to remember True, Helpful and Kind more readily than Necessary and Inspiring/Improving/Important.

The Coaching Tool Company provides an infographic that can be saved and printed, with additional sub-questions for each element of THINK:
  • Is it TRUE? Is this fact or is it really an opinion or feeling?
  • Is it HELPFUL? Does it help you, them or the situation?
  • Is it INSPIRING? Also, does it IMPROVE on the silence?
  • Is it NECESSARY? Would this be better left unsaid?
  • Is it KIND? What is your motivation for communicating?
The infographic states that the THINK acronym was created to help people be kinder on social media, and offers other helpful questions to consider:
  • Am I saying this from a place of anger? Am I being respectful?
  • Who is my audience? Who else might be able to hear, see or read this?
  • How might what I'm saying appear to others?
  • Could someone misinterpret what I'm saying?
  • What am I saying about myself with these words?
These would have been useful questions for the person who criticized Michelle Hughes to consider before leaving their remark.

One commenter on Emma-Louise Elsey's infographic offered additional principles that she likes: "One needs to be silent in order to listen. And both silent and listen use the same letters. And: everything you say needs to be true, but not everything that is true needs to be said."

Just as Michelle's blog or my blog aren't for everyone and aren't right all the time, the THINK acronym may not suit all people in all circumstances. Sometimes the truth we need to speak may seem unkind to the person to whom we need to speak it. Sometimes it is necessary to share our truth even if it won't inspire the recipient.

But for me, the five THINK filters have been helpful in getting me to pause, think and—sometimes—rephrase what I am about to say. For that reason, I thought it was worthwhile sharing it.