I had lunch today with a wise, positive and nurturing friend. We are fellow cancer survivors—cancer thrivers, really. You would not know to look at either of us that we've had cancer.

One of the ways my friend and I feel that we have both grown since our respective encounters with the disease is to be comfortable validating people going through a rough time, be that cancer, another illness or a difficult circumstance of any making. What does validating someone look like? Instead of saying, "don't worry, everything will be OK" [how are we to know?], we're more likely to say, "that sucks" or "I'm so sorry you're going through this."

And then, this evening, a post was suggested to me on Facebook. With words by Ullie-Kaye and art by Jennifer Yoswa, this post recommends:

Instead of saying, "I know what it feels like", let's say "I cannot imagine your heartbreak".

Instead of saying, "You're strong, you'll get through this["], let's say "You'll hurt, and I'll be here["].

Instead of saying, "You look like you're doing well["], Let's say, "How are you holding up today?"

Instead of saying, "Healing takes time", let's say "Healing has no timeline".

Instead of saying, "Everything happens for a reason["], let's say "This must feel so terribly senseless right now".

And when there are no words to say at all, you don't need to try and find some. Love speaks in silences too.

After my breast reconstruction complication last August, my friend drove to my house to let me know that the situation I found myself in was "just sh*t." She didn't tell me everything would be OK, or suggest that I look on the bright side, or talk about her own experience with a bilateral mastectomy and breast reconstruction. She simply hugged me and let me shed a few tears. She didn't try to cheer me up, but that was the effect of her visit nonetheless. She just let me be, wrapped in love, understanding and acceptance.