[2021-01-26] Optimism rekindled

I received tremendous feedback on yesterday's post about Courage. The comments uplifted me, so I wanted to share a summary of them, organized by theme. If you're feeling down, perhaps you can take solace from this crowd-sourced wisdom.

It's OK to not be OK
Many people validated my feelings, for example, "We have a wide range of emotions and it’s okay to not be okay." One person wrote that the post provides "Another great reminder that we feel how we feel." Another reminded me that I am up way more than I am down, adding "Allow yourself a little pity puddle once in a while." One person shared that I am lovable, whether happy or sad: "We love you in the darkness and in the light." Another spoke about the particular challenge of facing cancer: "You are human and all of us have good days and bad, but fighting cancer accentuates the peaks and valleys."

You are not alone
Several people reminded me that I am not alone in having an off day. One person stated, "I am sure that you know that you are not alone" and went on to say, "I can’t believe how many times I felt sad, hurt and beaten down, and I haven’t faced anything as hard as you are facing now." Others stated: "We all have blue days" and "I think it is fantastic that you share times when you feel down...this is a normal human feeling that we all share." Another person had, coincidentally, been thinking of me on her morning walk yesterday, saying, "you were in my thoughts for the duration of this silent walk."

Vulnerability gives others permission to feel bad
Several people spoke about the significance of vulnerability, for example, "Every time someone is vulnerable about how they’re feeling it helps someone else feel less alone" and "Your feelings are also a lesson to us for those times that we feel down or discouraged." Another person wrote: "Remember that it's people like you that inspire people like me to enjoy life to the fullest even during dark times." Someone else commented: "In the many roles you assume—wife, mother, daughter, mentor, writer, boss, etc.,—this type of disclosure is inspiring." Still, one reader appreciated the positivity I generally share, saying "your positive outlook and quotes mean a lot and have an impact on how we see each other or the people around us."

Being vulnerable takes courage
Others acknowledged the difficulty in being open, for example, "It takes a lot of guts to show our vulnerabilities to the world," especially when we've learned to build facades, and "it is not easy to show vulnerability in such an honest and straightforward manner especially when your brand is one of resilience and calm." One person commended me for recognizing the value of sharing my true thoughts, adding "Even in your most vulnerable moments, my friend, you continue to demonstrate courage." Another stated: "I really appreciate you sharing when you're not having a great day. It's authentic and real." And someone else made this astute observation: "I am just noticing that the word 'courage' is embedded in the word 'encouragement.'" Another expressed pride in me because "It takes tremendous courage to write a daily post."

Acknowledging your weakness gives others an opportunity to share their strength
One reader—a long-distance runner, skier and biker—noted that: "Like runners in a long race, when we show that we are tired, thirsty, others will come to us and offer support. That gives them strength too. We are in this together." Another person very tenderly reminded me: "I benefited so often from your strength, Jen. Happy to lift you up tonight with my own positive thoughts."

Perpetual positivity is neither authentic nor always healthy
Some spoke about the downside of unrelenting cheerfulness, which has been called toxic positivity. One person noted: "We are not encouraged to be vulnerable" and went on to say that our society has a positivity bias, which feels toxic when she is having a bad day. Another commented: "From my own experience, I find it difficult to connect with people when they are acting happy all the time because (1) you can sense you're not getting the real person and (2) you're afraid to share with that person when you're having a tough day yourself." One other person loved the post because: "It was real." She went on to say, "Interestingly I didn’t feel bad or sad but more like.....She’s having a day where she needs a hug."

Self-care is vital to our mental health
Several readers encouraged me to take care of myself, with one stating that "self care is absolutely critical, as it is the need to remind yourself you’re worth it and that tomorrow will be a better day." Another assured me: "You will find your rhythm. Sleep is always a great refresher. You will sleep all the better having shared this post." One person provided this suggestion: "Wrap yourself in the love and friendship that you have." And another cautioned: "It's when the storm and dark clouds last more than a few days that we need to reach out for help."

Don't take yourself too seriously
A few offered humorous suggestions, for example, "Today, I will live in the moment. Unless the moment is unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie." Another person thought it was funny that I would write the post I did because she, too, was having "a bit of a down day," adding "Then I had some cake and felt better."

Today was a better day, as I expected it would be. In fact, I felt like I was back to my old, optimistic self. I got a good night's sleep, having discovered Magical Storybook on Spotify—children's stories read by an English nanny. This morning, I started a bread (Easy No Knead Skillet Bread) and left it to rise while Chris and I took our first of two walks in the woods near our house. There, we saw a beautiful pileated woodpecker. This afternoon, I received new pyjamas from a loving friend. And I spent the afternoon working on this post, and feeling uplifted all over again.

I'm reminded of the Albert Schweitzer quote: "Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another." Thanks to your feedback, I feel that my optimism has been rekindled. I did awake hopeful and happy again.