[2021-03-04] What's in a name?
It's Grammar Day today. As someone who adores good grammar, I smiled at some of the social media posts and articles published to mark the day.
One article—Relax Already! 10 Grammar Rules You Can Stop Worrying About—included the guidance that formal salutations, such as Dear Ms. Doe, are fine in printed business letters but not needed in emails, texts and instant messages. "Readers know that the content is directed to them because it lands in their inbox or on their phone screens," the article said. "No need to identify the recipient."
I used to think it wasn't necessary to use people's names in emails until a conversation six years ago with members of a group focused on fostering respect in the workplace. A colleague in the group said that she disliked receiving an email with no salutation and no signature. She contended that the first email in a conversation should begin with the recipient's name and end with the sender's name. Further, she said that the email would, ideally, include a question such as "How are you?"
I admitted that I had increasingly been moving away from letter style ("Dear Jane…sincerely Jen") in favour of text style ("Could I get an update on this project?") in my emails. My thinking, at the time, was that we all had so many emails to read and most of us were accustomed to texting, so the shorter style was indeed sweeter.
But when I asked the group whether they agreed with my colleague or me, all but one person sided with my colleague. I was stunned. Not wanting to come across as disrespectful, I decided that day to make a point to start all first emails in a conversation with the recipient’s name and to sign them with mine.
I came to understand that it's especially important for bosses to greet their employees by name when emailing them. Like my colleagues in the respect-in-the-workplace group, I noticed more and more that I didn't like receiving an email from my supervisor that immediately started with "Where's the report?" It felt like my boss was barking an order rather than engaging with me as a person.
The answer to "What's in a name?" is "magic." As I've shared before, Dale Carnegie wrote in How to Win Friends and Influence People:
We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing ... and nobody else. The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.
I have seen this magic throughout my cancer treatment. When I make the effort to learn and use the name of nurses, doctors and other healthcare professionals, they connect with me in a way that I don't believe they would have if I had not used their name. And that deeper connection always made me feel less alone at a time when COVID so often prevented my having a loved one with me during treatments and appointments.
The use of names works magic not only in face-to-face interactions but also in written communications. When I send emails, respond to comments in social media and even dispatch texts, I include my recipient's name in my message, unless we already have a very close relationship and the name isn't required.
So, just as I still quibble over certain grammar rules, I reserve the right to respectfully disagree with the suggestion that names are no longer needed in emails. As Carnegie said, "a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language."
