[2021-05-03] Processing emotions: a how-to

In honour of the Canadian Mental Health Association's Mental Health Week, which begins today, I'm returning to the subject of Processing emotions. The theme of this year's Mental Health Week is #GetReal about how you feel―naming your emotions, expressing them, and dealing with them.

As I shared in my previous post on this topic, we are often reluctant to face our feelings, obsessively engaging instead in activities such as work, eating and exercise to avoid our worries. That first post focused more on the what and why of processing emotions. As I promised at the end of that article, I'm returning with more concrete information on the how.

The most helpful resource I came across was What Does Processing Your Feelings Even Mean? In this article, women's health and wellness reporter Krissy Brady notes: "because ignoring our feelings often leads to unhealthy behaviors—stress eating, drinking too much, shutting people out, or lashing out at people—it’s important to face them and understand them, even the ugly and uncomfortable ones." She calls the habit of ignoring our feelings the feel-ignore-repeat pattern. She adds that repressed emotions don't go away; they just become more difficult to cope with.

Moving to the how of processing emotions, Brady provides a range of strategies for expressing emotions, after you've recognized your feelings and accepted them without judgement. That expression of emotions could be done with a professional through techniques such as cognitive behavioural therapy and group therapy.

But I was more interested in therapies that individuals can pursue on their own or with trusted friends and family. On that list, Brady suggests the following:
  • Self-help workbooks. This technique is good for people who are able to stay on task without the support of another person, writes Brady. I've gravitated to this approach throughout my adult life, as I was able to read and write whenever I had time.
  • Mindfulness meditation. This practice, says Brady, helps individuals acknowledge their feelings without judging them and may be a good place to start for those struggling to recognize and label their emotions. I've managed to meditate every day for the past 10 days and, so far, the only emotion that has arisen is calmness, so perhaps that's a sign that I'm processing my feelings as they arise.
  • Venting to a supportive friend or family member. This approach is particularly suited to people who like to process their feelings verbally, suggests Brady. I'm lucky to have many people in my life to whom I can unburden myself. I've particularly enjoyed conversations with other cancer survivors, as I almost always learn something that I can apply in my own life.
  • Creative outlets, like art, writing, and dance. This method, recommends Brady, is best for people who prefer to express themselves in nonverbal ways or who may have difficulty conveying their feelings verbally. Writing has been my go-to outlet since I was a child. I've often marveled at some thought or feeling that emerged as I wrote, sometimes emotions that I hadn't previously recognized that I was experiencing. A friend told me that she likes to journal and sometimes writes a story as a third-person narrative to help process her emotions.
Other tactics that have worked for me or others include the following:
  • Walking. I can recall one occasion when I was wrestling with intense emotion. I headed out the door and walked and talked to myself for an hour, until I had worked everything out in my mind. Unfortunately, I had walked in a straight line, which meant that it took another hour of walking for me to get back home, but I felt as encouraged on the return trip as I had felt discouraged on the away trip.
  • Places that bring peace. Another friend confided that certain places, such as the woods, lead him to process emotions, even if that hadn't been his initial intent in going there. I haven't yet found such a magical place, but I hope to do so.
  • Music. Some people use music―both music they create and music they listen to―as a means of exploring and expressing their feelings.
Brady concludes her article by identifying six ways to make processing your feelings part of your routine.
  • Recognize the signs. "If you’re having difficulty identifying or labeling your feelings, this could be a sign you’ve not fully processed them yet," Brady writes. Signs that you may be avoiding tough emotions include eating or drinking too much, or acting in ways that are out of character for you.
  • Label your feelings. Brady notes that if you are struggling to identify your various feelings, you may fail to fully process them. Sometimes, you lack the vocabulary to precisely identify your feelings. The Canadian Mental Health Association's article More than simply "fine" identifies a range of words for both "comfortable" and "uncomfortable" feelings that you can use in response to the question "How are you?"
  • Experiment with different styles of processing. Brady recommends that you "Explore different ways of processing your feelings to determine which styles suit you best." Try one at a time for at least a week. If you feel better―"emotionally lighter, mentally clearer, physically sturdier"―keep using that technique.
  • Process as you go. "Since emotions are the one thing that can’t be predicted or scheduled, the next best thing is to set aside some time each day to think about what happened and how you chose to respond," writes Brady, adding "Don’t judge your feelings or the actions you took in relation to them—instead, study them like you’re an outside observer."
  • Compartmentalize as needed. "When strong emotions strike but you’re on a deadline or have a Zoom meeting coming up, it’s okay to temporarily put them away and then return to them at a more appropriate time," acknowledges Brady. But she cautions that feelings that are compartmentalized for too long end up being repressed.
  • Recognize when you’re ruminating. Brady explains, "If you find yourself revisiting the same issues or internal stories again and again, that’s a sure sign you’re not processing, but stuck in rumination mode." If the thing you're ruminating over is within your control, recognize that you're stuck and use one of the techniques to process your feelings. If the thing is beyond your control, try accepting it, so that you can keep moving forward.
My commitment to writing a blog post every day has helped me form the habit of regularly processing my emotions, which is so important at time in my life when I'm experiencing many feelings that I've never had before. Having the courage to get real about how I feel has been good for my mental health and made the process of facing cancer so much easier.