[2021-11-23] Invisible mentors
I have wanted to elaborate on the notion of "invisible mentors" ever since I referenced the concept in my June post on Mentoring.
I first encountered the idea of invisible mentors almost 10 years ago when I read a Harvard Business Review Management Tip called "Know Which Kind of Mentor You Need."
In addition to co-mentor (anyone from a colleague to a friend who needs you as much as you need them) and remote mentor (someone outside your organization who can offer objective advice), the management tip recommended the invisible mentor. On the latter, the HBR tip said: "You don't have to have a personal relationship with this mentor. You learn from observing and following her example."
I found the idea of invisible mentors freeing. Up to that point in my career, I had thought that a mentor was someone with whom I needed to have a formal arrangement. Because I had never approached someone to be my mentor and didn't have regular conversations with a more senior person about my work-related challenges, I thought that I had never had a mentor. But once my definition of mentor expanded to include invisible mentors, I realized that I had had many mentors over the course of my work life.
For instance, years ago, I watched a seasoned director utter two simple words in a meeting to save face while acknowledging the wisdom of another person’s point: "Fair enough," he had said. I used this expression many times over the course of my career as an efficient way to concede a point when someone else advanced a better idea than I. Similarly, I learned how to elicit a cost estimate from someone reluctant to be pinned down. During a meeting I participated in, a director general asked a director how much something would cost. The director said: "Oh, I couldn't possibly give you a number." The director general countered: "Would it be $10,000 or $100,000?" "Oh, it would never be $100,000," the director replied; "probably closer to $20,000." Mission accomplished. The director general had a ballpark figure, which was all he had wanted.
The advantage of invisible mentors is that you don’t have to schedule time to meet with them. You simply keep your eyes open and observe.
