[2022-02-10] Look for the lessons
In response to last night's post (Not the same after cancer), a friend wrote: "I guess my philosophy is similar to yours: if you’re going to go through some s**t, you might as well learn from it."
There's a lot packed in that brief statement. Though perhaps not addressed directly in my friend's response, what makes a s**tty situation difficult—in my experience—is lack of control. This is almost always the case with an illness. Or at least it feels that way at first.
When I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, I had so little information. I didn't know what stage my cancer was at. I didn't know what the next steps would be. I didn't know whether I was going to die. All I could say with any certainty when I broke the news to my husband is that we would face it together. I'm not even sure that I suggested that we would get through it together since getting through it was not guaranteed at that moment.
In the weeks and months that followed, I learned more, as did the healthcare professionals leading me through the treatment process, thanks in part to various tests. While no one could predict the future (and still can't), they could at least tell me the next steps in the process, starting with surgery and chemotherapy. Later, they recommended genetic testing based on the results of the pathology report after my surgery. And once the results of my genetic testing were known, they recommended medication.
Alongside what my medical team was learning were the lessons I was taking away as I dealt with the disease.
- I learned that although I didn't control my cancer, I could control the decisions I made regarding treatment of the disease.
- I learned that although ovarian cancer was among the more deadly cancers, I could choose to live each day and to find hope in the stories of people who had faced the illness before me.
- I learned that although chemotherapy would absolutely make all my hair fall out, I and my loved ones could still see beauty in me.
- I learned that although I had a pathogenic change in my BRCA2 gene, I could use that information to make decisions to try to avoid additional cancers.
- I learned that although I left my job, I could still be loved and remembered by so many colleagues.
- I learned that although I hadn't communicated with some people for years, I could reconnect with them simply by sharing my story.
- I learned that although I was dealing with a particular challenge, I could inspire others facing very different challenges.
- I learned that although going through cancer treatment was hard, I could do hard things, especially with the love and support of so many people.
I like my friend's advice. If you're going through s**t and fretting over your lack of control, it might help to change your perspective. Look for the things you can control and take pride in the things you are learning. Your wisdom may be just the thing someone else needs to get them through a similar s**tty situation in the future.
Just as Mr. Rogers followed his mother's advice to look for the helpers during disasters, we can look for the lessons when we find ourselves in difficult times.
