[2022-02-17] Resting not lazy
I was blessed with a high energy level. Working hard has always been in my blood.
But since getting cancer, I have slowed down considerably—partly out of necessity as I've recovered from treatments, and partly out of choice.
Perhaps that's why a recent post that came across my social media feed was so interesting to me. On their Instagram account @peacefulmindpeacefullife, the mother-daughter team of Barb Schmidt and Michelle Maros shared 3 things to consider before you call someone lazy. They state:
- What may seem lazy might really be a coping skill for a mental health issue. Resting can help someone recover from burnout. Depression can make just getting out of bed challenging. You never know what someone may be going through and silently struggling with.
- People with ADHD can have a hard time completing tasks. This doesn't mean they are lazy. Someone with ADHD may be trying really hard. And labeling their behaviors as unmotivated or lazy can be hurtful.
- Calling someone lazy means you don't respect how they spend their time. Usually the word lazy is used to try to manipulate someone into a desired action. It also can be a subtle form of bullying. People don't need your permission to rest.
When my husband and I were first together, he would regularly say, a few hours into a project, "I need to take a break." Inside my head, I would ask, "Take a break from what?" since I was often just getting into the swing of things. Fortunately, I rarely vocalized these thoughts (though the expression on my face may have given me away).
Over the years, I learned that taking breaks is the rule, while powering through is the exception. Now, I'm more likely to think that if Chris wants to take a break, I can either take a break too or keep working. It's my choice, just as it's his choice to pause and re-energize.
I learned to take a similar approach with my son. While I love getting things done as quickly as possible—checking them off my mental to-do list so that I can stop worrying about them—he's less fussed about getting something done immediately. A strategy I increasingly used with Shane was to provide the broad parameters regarding a task but to leave the how and when to him. For example, I might say, "I need you to put away the dishes before you go to bed." He could decide how to complete the task and precisely when to do it.
I appreciate reminders like the ones in the Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life video, as it's easy to slip into old assumptions. Such reminders push me to regard others with empathy, to remember that we're all different, and to apply the most respectful interpretation to any situation.
