[2022-02-20] Family matters
For the first time in four months, I visited my mom today. I hadn't been to the country since November, missing Christmas and New Year's Day, as I was doing everything to avoid getting COVID before starting radiation on January 5.
With radiation treatments behind me, my recovery under way and a reduction in public health measures in the works, I felt that I could take one careful step toward normalcy, particularly as everyone I met today was vaccinated and boosted.
When my sister mentioned this morning that she was thinking of going to the farm, I immediately checked in with my daughter to ask whether she would be comfortable with my going for a family visit. Since November, our little family has been restricting our exposure to others in indoor settings without masks, and we've taken all decisions together. With Melanie's blessing, I then checked with my husband, who also gave me the green light. I then contacted my sister and offered to accompany her.
We had a lovely visit with my mom and two of our brothers. We discussed the reality that, as more and more public health restrictions are lifted, we will each need to decide what our risk tolerance is. Mine is likely to remain lower than that of other people. I'm still recovering from radiation and have another major health intervention (prophylactic bilateral mastectomy) on the horizon. I do not want to risk getting COVID on top of dealing with those medical issues. And, as a cancer patient, I never know whether my response to the COVID vaccine is as robust as that of someone who does not have cancer.
I was struck today by the impact on my family members of watching me navigate various health issues. They've seen me face two cancer diagnoses, undergo and recover from two surgeries, and cope with two types of cancer treatments (chemotherapy and radiation). Today, they would have seen me moving gingerly about the house because of the discomfort I'm feeling throughout my pelvic area.
What's more, they know it's not over. Thanks to my BRCA2 gene change, more interventions will be needed to reduce my risk of developing breast cancer.
You could forgive them for thinking "Enough already!"
I would probably feel the same way if I were watching a loved one go through what I have faced, am facing and will face.
Had I not gone to my mom's today, I would have worked on the post I'm planning on the impact of cancer on the patient's loved ones. This is an important topic—one that merits much more discussion and understanding. Perhaps the takeaway is this: the next time you ask someone how their ill family member is doing, follow it up with a question about how they are doing. The caregivers need as much support as the patients, perhaps even more.
