[2022-04-05] National Caregiver Day

It's National Caregiver Day. This national awareness campaign is led by Carers Canada, which is a coalition of organizations dedicated to increasing recognition and support for caregivers. Carers Canada is a program of the Canadian Home Care Association.

I was honoured to be asked to share my story as part of celebrating this day even though I consider myself to be more of a care recipient than a care giver.

But before I get to my story, allow me to share a few facts that I learned from the awareness campaign. First, a definition: "Caregivers are individuals (family members, neighbours, friends and other significant people) who take on a caring role to support someone with a diminishing physical ability, a debilitating cognitive condition or a chronic life-limiting illness." Of note:
  • More than 6 million Canadians, representing 35% of the workforce, are juggling work and unpaid care responsibilities; they are referred to as employee caregivers.
  • They balance work, caring for a loved one, family commitments and personal activities.
  • Many employee caregivers stop working, reduce their hours at work, change jobs or accept lower income to balance work and care-giving responsibilities.
  • Employee caregivers are at higher risk of mental and physical health issues; almost 1 in 5 will experience these challenges.
  • They are also predisposed to decreased morale and social isolation, and the pressures of caring for a loved one while meeting other responsibilities can impact their performance at work.
  • Employee caregivers who are not supported are more likely to leave the workforce.
  • 70% of employee caregivers say they did not receive support from their employers.
Here is my story, which includes a reflection on my own lack of awareness, while working, of the challenges that employee caregivers face.

My story is a little different in that I am less of a care giver and more of a care receiver. My husband and my children cared for me while I underwent treatment for ovarian cancer, diagnosed in 2020, as well as a second, unrelated cancer (perianal skin cancer), diagnosed in 2021.

That said, I have gained an appreciation of the challenges faced by caregivers by observing the impact of my illness on my loved ones and interacting with readers of my blog, which chronicles my cancer journey. What I’ve learned is that when someone is ill, particularly when they have cancer, we naturally rally around them. However, we are less likely to acknowledge the toll on their loved ones, who may be taking on new responsibilities and often worrying about the future. As the Canadian Cancer Society says, "Family and caregivers…can feel as though they’ve lost their best friend or that they have no one to talk to about what they’re going through."

I’ve also learned that caring for a loved one who is ill can be as difficult as facing a disease oneself. When I asked readers of my blog how a loved one’s cancer had affected them, one woman—who, like her sister, had dealt with breast cancer—wrote: "my sister and I had the exact same reaction. It was harder on us to watch the other go through a cancer diagnosis and treatment. We both attribute that in part to a perceived lack of control. When you’re going through cancer, you feel like you have some control, but when a loved one is going through it, you feel like you have no control."

This made me reflect on my time as an executive, before I retired, and how rarely I would say to an employee whose loved one was ill, "this must be so hard on you." It is helpful to increase awareness of the impact on caregivers of caring for someone who is ill.

Over the past year and a half, I have come to realize just how significant the toll is on those who care for loved ones experiencing a health issue.


I am asking you to remember the family and friend caregivers in our lives—the people who are caring for ill loved ones while grappling with their own emotions, such as sadness, fear and guilt. They may not recognize their own need for support or, if they do, may be reluctant to ask for it.

So reach out to the caregivers.
  • Validate their feelings and allow them to be sad if they want to be sad.
  • Laugh with them if they want to laugh.
  • Listen to them, without offering advice.
  • Encourage them to take care of their own mental and physical health: getting enough sleep, eating well, and taking the time to rest and rejuvenate.
  • If appropriate, help them to enjoy life beyond their work caring for a sick family member, even if that's just going for a walk.
  • Check in with them regularly, on a schedule and in a format that suits them.
  • Send them a treat, be it healthy snacks or a novel or an offer to give them a break while you spend time with their ill family member.
  • Follow through on your commitments.
And the caregivers aren't just immediate family. Think about everyone around the cancer patient—not just spouses and children. Consider their parents, their sisters and brothers, even their employees and colleagues.

In Permission to feel all emotions, I acknowledged that my upbeat approach to cancer may have made others close to me feel that they didn't have permission to be sad or scared or stressed. I quoted the Canadian Cancer Society in acknowledging that:

Family and caregivers can also feel lonely. They can feel as though they’ve lost their best friend or that they have no one to talk to about what they’re going through. They may feel overwhelmed by new responsibilities. They may feel like they don’t have time to see friends or do activities they enjoy. They may also feel overlooked by the healthcare team or family members and friends, who tend to focus on the person with cancer.

Finally, in my post In your words: cancer's impact on loved ones, I shared stories from caregivers who answered the question "How has a loved one's cancer affected you?"

The answers were filled with painful emotions—shock, heartbreak, sadness, fear, frustration, anger, helplessness, guilt, exhaustion, grief—with glimpses of positive feelings, such as caring, hope and gratitude. ...

Many people mentioned fatigue and exhaustion, though often as part of a range of emotions, almost as though referencing tiredness on its own would suggest disloyalty to their loved one.

One man wrote: "And perhaps it’s unfair or just not right, but I also felt a sense of fatigue or being tired—this may be because I was trying to keep tabs on and offer support to so many people who were diagnosed at the same time or had a parent diagnosed (especially a friend whose mother was diagnosed with very weeks left) combined with other things going on my side of things." ...

Another woman shared a poignant story of thinking she was coping during her father's illness only to realize that she wasn't coping very well. She wrote: "So here I was keeping it together, so I thought, in this new job. One day a colleague pulled me aside and said I hear your Dad is very sick and maybe you need to take some time or step back. She told me she knew I was new and hadn’t yet formed friendships or perhaps didn’t have people at work I could turn to…something to that effect. I broke down crying and we had a good chat. And she was basically telling me that even though I thought I was keeping it together I wasn’t. Things were showing at work. I will be forever grateful to her." She went on to say that family members and loved ones of cancer patients often don't know what they are feeling or what they need. Among those needs, she said, was help with having conversations. "Are we overstepping? Are we too distant?" Another need is simply "to be loved ones and not always caregivers."

I thought it was such a wonderful idea to have a day that recognizes the challenges caregivers face, especially employee caregivers who have what can feel like two full-time jobs.

I also love the tagline for National Caregiver Day: Recognizing Caring Canadians. My sincere thanks to all the caregivers in my life.