[2023-08-08] The land of little victories
Almost three years ago, just two days after my surgery for ovarian cancer, I wrote a post called Little victories. It recognized the progress I was making: having the tube into my stomach and my catheter removed, sitting in a chair in my hospital room, going to the bathroom, walking a few paces around the hall, getting by on fewer pain meds, eating food. The following day, I wrote Little victories revisited, a funny update, celebrating additional milestones, such as having my bandages, epidural and IV removed and doing eight laps around the nurses station.
Today, a wise friend reminded me that I am "back in the land of little victories."
I agreed. Earlier in the day, I had decided that it was time to focus on living rather than mourning what might have been, on accepting what is as opposed to wishing for what isn't, on seeking peace. As Wayne W. Dyer said, "Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be."
My little victories today included going for a walk with Chris (my first stroll in a week), driving the car to pick up my daughter from the park-and-ride, baking (Strawberry-Rhubarb Oatmeal Muffins) and cooking (Sautéed Zucchini and Cherry Tomatoes). Other little victories included less pain, more healing, fewer side effects from antibiotics, and no evidence of lingering infection.
With my drain out and my homemade prosthesis (four foam inserts from sports bras, wrapped in a silk handkerchief) in place, I'm comfortable again going out in public. I even put on real clothes, having lived in pyjamas for the past week.
In addition to the Dyer quote (above), I pulled three others out of my compendium of Quotes:
Take life day by day and be grateful for the little things. Don't get caught up in what you can't control. Accept it and make the best of it.
~ Mark and Angel
If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.
~ Lao Tzu
My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.
~ Anaïs Nin
A friend wrote this to me this afternoon: "You're authentic and when you write about real and specific things that you're dealing with (e.g., surgical scars), you give people something to think about. That helps others process what they're dealing with and/or be more empathetic." I hadn't really thought about that—being, admittedly, caught up in my own sadness and loss—but it's true. Somewhere out there, someone who bears a mastectomy scar or a hysterectomy scar (see My lumpy, bumpy belly) is reading my blog and feeling a little less alone because of it, just as I have felt a little less alone as others have reached out to me.
