[2023-09-18] Go grab life
Today, I learned that Nicky Newman had died. Nicky had incurable stage 4 breast cancer. It had spread to her bones and, more recently, her liver. I started following her Instagram account (@nicknacklou) almost two years ago at the suggestion of a friend, and shared some of her wisdom in Jenesis posts (links below). Nicky epitomized positivity in the face of formidable uncertainty. She often repeated the phrase GO GRAB LIFE, encouraging her followers to make the most of their time on Earth. She also encouraged them to check their breasts regularly for lumps or other changes. Her final message, which was posted today, reads in part:
If you’re reading this it means I have died, I made it 5 & half years though, not bad for a stage 4 breastie ey.
And none of this ‘she fought her battle nonsense’, I didn’t lose anything, the cancer eventually took over & that’s okay, we all knew this would happen.
I don’t think we are ever prepared to hear the words, we think we are indestructible & a magic cure will appear, but the truth is we all live this life day to day (we just knew our days are shorter).
So please promise me to cherish those around you and give your friends and loved ones the biggest squeezes! GO GRAB LIFE! You never truly know what is coming around the corner - so don’t take anything for granted.
Her advice to cherish our loved ones, to go grab life and not to take anything for granted is a reminder to all of us that life is unpredictable. The only thing that we have for sure is the moment right in front of us.
Mr.G here.
What can I say that my incredible wife hasn’t already in her final post. Nicky asked me to send her message out, along with a few words from me.
My bean was more than a partner or loved one to me, she truly was my lobster 🦞.
We have known each other since we were 14 and throughout all the years (even when we had time apart) we were always inextricably drawn to each other.
A truly rare joining of souls that were simply meant to be one.
We’ve been asked before about why it is that we thought Nicky’s page here became so popular and that is obviously a very hard question to answer. I told my bean a few weeks ago that I think it is because -
"People instantly love and are drawn to you because ever since [your] diagnosis, at the worst time of our lives, we chose not to mourn the time we are losing but rather to celebrate and cherish the time that we have left - however long that may be"
Anyone that knew my wife knows this to be true. Nicky never accepted half measures, she took life with both hands and made each moment special and memorable. She has created a legacy here, a place where anyone can see that life is for positivity and smiles and happiness. Even through hardship…even if it seems impossible.
I admire both Nicky and Alex (Mr. G's real name) for the lessons they embodied and shared: embracing life, exuding positivity despite the odds against them, and finding the beauty and humour in the midst of cancer treatments, medical appointments and numerous hospital stays.
I debated whether to write and publish this post. Death is not a happy topic. But it's what's on my mind tonight. And as the same friend who recommended Nicky's content to me two years ago said tonight, death is inevitable, and Nicky lived her life with bad-ass grace.
I take many things from Nicky's example, among them:
- Go grab life. Don't wait for things to be perfect or to come to you. Go out and get them.
- Don't predict the future of a cancer patient. As someone with incurable cancer, Nicky wrote that "saying things like 'you’ll beat this' or 'you never know, they are making new drugs all the time'" isn't helpful. (How to talk to someone who has cancer)
- Take care of your health. Without health, there is—at best—no quality of life and—at worst—no life at all. So pay attention to your body. It's the only one you have.
- Cherish what you have, not what you don't. Don't waste time mourning what you've lost or never had. Focus instead on all that is good in your life.
- Be kind to others. Appreciate what others do for you, especially loved ones and healthcare professionals.
- As much as possible, spend your days doing things that fulfill you and fill your cup. It's difficult to serve others when your own cup is empty.
- Get in the photo. In one of her posts, Nicky advised: "So the next time someone says ‘get in’ the photo, GET IN IT!" adding "one day someone will be grateful you took the photo & that you are in it." (Photos)
- Enjoy life, even when it's hard. In response to the statement "You can't live a happy fun grateful life when you're diagnosed with incurable cancer," Nicky said "Why not?" (Happy, fun, grateful life)
- Show the precious people in your life that you love them. Love can sound like this: "I love you" or "I made you some cookies" or "if you need a lift to your cancer treatment, I'm here for you."
- Find meaning in life's difficult moments. There is always something to be learned from life's challenges.
As Joni Mitchell sang, "Something's lost but something's gained in living every day."
Today, the world lost a beautiful soul. Nicky Newman will live on in the memories of her family and friends as well as the many thousands of people she touched through her posts. In honour of Nicky, go grab life.
