[2023-04-08] Saturday Synopsis #38

This morning, a friend sent me a link to a New York Times article about pop culture moments that defined the COVID era. One such bit of culture was a daily drawing by Mo Willems. Beginning in March 2020, he shot a midday doodling session from his home studio. In the Times piece, he said of this project: "our sense of being untethered in a stormy sea gave way to a sense of being connected to a community, which grew into a realization: Science was going to get us out of this pandemic. But art was going to get us through it." It reminded me of my cancer journey: science got me out of the crisis, but writing and the community I fostered got me through it.

Also today, a dear friend—and an absolute gem of a woman—wrote to tell me that she had learned yesterday that she has a malignant tumour in her uterus. She added: "Your blogs past present and future will be a great help to me." I replied to say that I was sorry to hear of this news and that I was with her. I added: "I know you have positive energy to see this through, plus friends and family galore to support you. I am happy to be one of your cheerleaders, as you were (and are) for me."

A third woman wrote today to invite me to read her Facebook post, marking her 10th anniversary since surgery for ovarian cancer. She listed some of the things she has been able to enjoy over the past 10 years, thanks to the excellent care she received from the healthcare professionals who treated her: the opportunity to meet and love her grandchildren, the chance to see her children succeed, the time to travel with her husband, and the strength to raise significant funds for cancer research. What meant the most to me was this statement: "Through Cancer Support networks, I have been able to encourage other women who travel this same journey." She has been an inspiration to me and many other women.

What these three messages have in common is a recognition of the power of stories and connections to get us through difficult moments in life. This, surely, is reason enough to write (or doodle or create art): to get ourselves through things that are confusing and scary (as Mo Willems said), and to help others to get through them too. Each week when I sit down to collate the entries for Saturday Synopsis, I reread 14 posts that I wrote either one or two years ago. In many cases, I forget having written them. I read them now, not as the creator, but rather as a consumer, finding value in them and hoping that others do as well.

3 Ideas From Me

I have always found that the most stinging observation is the one I believe myself. If I'm uncertain about my parenting skills, a comment about the way I'm raising my child will stay with me for days. But if I'm confident in my abilities as a leader, a critique about the way I manage my team will be more easily ignored. So if I find myself dwelling on a criticism, I'll take it as a sign that I need to build myself up to counter the other person's effort to tear me down. I try not to allow my inner voice to echo my critic's hurtful comments.

I wish that I had had more traditions when my children were growing up. While I did spend lots of time with my kids, it was more haphazard than planned. And the problem with practices that are unplanned is that they are easily set aside when work comes calling.... Dedicated, deliberate and undivided attention is what kids need and what they'll remember when they're older. Work will always demand more and more from us. When efforts to protect family time become part of our daily or weekly routine, we are more likely to stick with them and to garner our boss's respect for them.

Money can enable a rich life, but having a lot of money is not the only way to be rich. You can be rich in time, friends, interests and love, and you can place an equal or greater value on any of these factors when examining the richness of your life.

2 Quotes From Others

I started dividing my to-do list into 1) things I have to do, 2) things I want to do, and 3) things other people want me to do. Life changing! I often don’t get to #3 and I finally realized... this is what it means to have boundaries.
~ James Clear

The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor. But that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents. Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear[,] an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around. It’s overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt.
~ Leo Buscaglia

1 Question For You

So the next time you're smarting from something someone said, ask yourself:
  • Is this person projecting their insecurities onto me?
  • Is what this person said helpful?
  • Can I use the feedback to improve?
  • Is it fact or opinion?
  • Do I believe it?
If you conclude that the comments don't have merit, see them as written on sand and allow the next wave to wash them out to sea.