[2023-05-02] 1,000th post

Today, I reached an extraordinary milestone: 1,000 days of posting to Jenesis, representing 1,000 posts. Actually, it's technically 1,001 posts, as I published two articles dated August 27, 2022 (Olivette's birthday and Saturday Synopsis #6).

It got me thinking of the story of 1,001 Arabian Nights. According to Wikipedia, One Thousand and One Nights is a collection of Middle Eastern folk tales, authored by many different people and compiled over multiple centuries. The core story is about King Shahryār who, upon learning that his wife has been unfaithful, has her killed. He subsequently marries a succession of virgins, only to have each one executed the morning after the wedding. Eventually, the king's Vizier, who's tasked with finding the virgins, can find no more. So the Vizier's daughter, Scheherazade, offers to marry King Shahryār, and the Vizier reluctantly agrees. But Scheherazade has a plan. On her wedding night, she tells the king a story, but doesn't finish it. Anxious to hear the rest of the tale, the king postpones her execution. Each night, Scheherazade finishes one story and starts another. This continues for a thousand and one nights. Different versions exist of what happens next in the story, but they all end with King Shahryār's sparing Scheherazade's life.

Is it possible that my telling my story, night after night, has kept me alive for 1,000 days? In fairness, I credit science and medicine with keeping me alive. But I can say, unequivocally, that I have enjoyed those 1,000 days much more than I would have had I not used this blog to process my feelings, to connect with so many people, and to find meaning and purpose in the circumstances I faced.

When Scheherazade reached 1,001 nights, King Shahryār decided to spare her life. Did that absolve her from the requirement to tell the king a story each night? Perhaps it did.

When I started Jenesis, my goal was to make it to 365 posts, capturing a year in the life of a cancer patient. And then, I just kept on going: 400 posts and 500 posts. When I reached 600 posts, a friend wrote to me to say, "I can’t believe that 600 days has flown by so quickly." It hadn't dawned on me that 600 posts meant 600 days. In response to my friend's comment, I wrote in Results and days about all the milestones I had hit at that point. The updated list, after 1,000 days, looks like this:
  • 1,008 days since I learned that I had ovarian cancer.
  • 1,002 days since I married Chris.
  • 1,000 days since I started medical leave and launched Jenesis.
  • 978 days since I had surgery to remove tumours associated with ovarian cancer.
  • 865 days since I learned that my CA125 level was in the normal range.
  • 839 days since I finished chemotherapy.
  • 534 days since I had surgery to remove a tumour associated with perianal skin cancer.
  • 525 days since I officially retired from the federal public service.
  • 449 days since I finished radiation.
What stands out for me is that it's been more than a year since I've had any cancer treatments, beyond my continued taking of a maintenance drug to stave off a recurrence of ovarian cancer. I'm also in maintenance mode with respect to potential breast cancer: continuing with annual mammograms, breast MRIs and now, perhaps, breast ultrasounds while I wait for a date for my prophylactic bilateral mastectomy, which will greatly reduce my risk of breast cancer.

Having now reached 1,000 days and 1,001 posts, I ask myself, "What now? Where to from here?" I think I've earned the privilege of publishing the briefest of posts (perhaps a photo of something that brings me joy), sharing an anecdote from my day that has no deep message, and even taking a break from time to time.

As I said in last night's post, when we share a story, there's what it's about and then what it's about. My stories in Jenesis have been about a cancer diagnosis, surgery, chemotherapy, recovery, genetic testing, another cancer diagnosis, radiation, recovery, close follow-ups—and all the ups and downs along the way. But here's what I think my stories have been about: love, support, connection, staying grounded, the power of expressive writing, dedication, taking life one day at a time, resilience, trust, optimism, humour, gratitude, positivity, being present for loved ones, making the most of life, leaning on family and friends, helping and lighting the way for others.

As I was contemplating this post last night and listening to my Spotify playlist Stronger, I paused at Helen Reddy's "I Am Woman." I still tear up when I listen to this song—tears of joy and tears of pain, knowing how far I've come but also how challenging the journey was. Although the song is a feminist manifesto, its chorus speaks to me. I still remember the day I watched the biopic of Helen Reddy and cried when that song came on. I was getting my third chemotherapy treatment at the time, and it seemed so appropriate:

Oh yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

The third time the chorus comes up in the song, "I can do anything" becomes "I can face anything." Interestingly, my third chemo treatment fell on Day 100 of my blog. And now I've reached Day 1,000. I still feel like I can do anything, and I still feel like I have more stories to write.