[2023-08-12] Saturday Synopsis #56
With the three-year anniversary of Jenesis this past week, I now have three years' worth of posts to review each time I prepare my weekly Saturday Synopsis. It's fascinating to look back at where I was, physically and mentally, this time in 2020, 2021 and 2022.
As I compare my thinking from 2020, 2021, 2022 with my thinking from 2023, I'm struck by the fact that I never asked myself "why me?" when I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer (which affects 1-2% of people with ovaries) nor when I learned that I carry a pathogenic mutation in my BRCA gene (which affects about 0.25% of the population). I didn't say "why me?" when my faulty BRCA2 gene put me at a 50-85% risk of developing breast cancer, nor when I was diagnosed with perianal skin cancer (which affects less than 0.3% of the population). However, today, a little part of me asks "why me?" for having developed an infection that compromised one of my breast implants (which affects less than 5% of those who undergo such surgery). I know such thinking is not healthy, and so I choose not to engage in such reflection. Still, such a question is in keeping with a few themes that emerged in this week's Saturday Synopsis, notably mourning the loss of my perfect health and accepting the loss of perceived certainty about my future. But I also embrace other themes that emerged from this week's retrospective: the value of maintaining a positive attitude to keep living while facing challenges, the conviction that things will get better and that I will make them better, and the reminder that I can do kind things for others.
I've decided that the 3-2-1 formula I've adopted for the Saturday Synopsis (modeled on James Clear's weekly newsletter) is unnecessarily restrictive. In the past, I often pulled out more than 3 ideas from me and 2 quotes from others, but whittled them down to the few I chose to present. Starting today, I'm freeing myself from the constraints of 3-2-1: in each Saturday Synopsis, I'll share at least 3 ideas from me, 2 quotes from others and 1 question for you. Sometimes more.
This week's photo is of the completed puzzle Popular Backyard Wild Birds of North America. Doing this puzzle was a welcome respite during my recent convalescence.
I wish you a wonderful week ahead.
3 Ideas From Me (+1)
Today, I had a call with my family doctor. Dr. Daverne’s first words to me were that she had been thinking a lot about me since receiving the news of my diagnosis. We are both hardworking professionals, and just one year apart in age. She offered everything one could hope for from a doctor: empathy, information, encouragement, a realistic picture of the challenge ahead, and hope. She said, "allow yourself to be upset and sad and grieve the loss of your perfect health. It's totally normal if you do fall apart."
I did mourn the certainty that I thought I had before learning of my cancer. When we're healthy, it's easy to think that our life will go on without incident into some distant future. And it's understandable to think that everything has changed when we get a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness. While I have less certainty about my future than I did before cancer, the reality is that I never had absolute certainty in the first place. I've learned to accept the loss of certainty—or perceived certainty—about my future without letting it dampen my spirits.
Exactly one year ago today, I wrote in Perpetually upbeat, that "there is neither evidence that a negative attitude can cause cancer (reassuring for any worrywarts out there) nor evidence that a positive attitude can increase the chances of beating cancer (disappointing for the perpetually upbeat like me)." But maybe I had posed the wrong question. Instead of asking whether my having a positive attitude could change the progression of my disease, perhaps I should have asked whether my level of knowledge, skills and confidence to manage my health could make a difference. It would appear that it can.
Whatever it is that you define as the best part of your day—being with others or being alone, being energetic or being tranquil, vacationing or staycationing—can tell you a lot about yourself and your priorities. So often, we fill our lives with shoulds. "My neighbour's backyard is so much better than mine; I should do more with my garden." "My colleague just got a promotion; I should do something to advance my career." "My brother-in-law drinks fancy wine; I should drink fancy wine." But you get to decide what you value most. There are no right or wrong answers, just answers that are more right for you regardless of what others might think.
2 Quotes From Others (+3)
So is there a reason to have a positive attitude? Absolutely. A positive attitude helps people cope with a disease which strikes without warning and can recur despite aggressive treatment. Elizabeth Edwards said it best, "A positive attitude is not going to save you. What it's going to do is, every day, between now and the day you die, whether that's a short time from now or a long time from now, that every day, you're going to actually live."
~ Jane Ashley
Spend 10 minutes writing a few kind words about yourself on small pieces of paper. Place these notes in unexpected places, like in your wallet, on your bathroom cabinet, and in your favorite coffee mug. Finding them later will offer reminders of how extraordinary you truly are.
~ Cyndie Spiegel
The purpose of life is to live it, to taste it, to experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Things will get better. You will make them better.
~ Colin Powell
Whenever a generous impulse arises in your mind—to give money, check in on a friend, send an email praising someone's work—act on the impulse right away, rather than putting it off until later.
~ Oliver Burkeman
1 Question For You
When you wrote something kind last night…your words gave me a real lift when I needed it. Suffice it to say that I am blessed in many ways but often, self-confidence is not one of them. Struggled with depression as a young man. A residue of anxiety remains…. We all have our challenges and stories. I just want you to know that you helped me and that I appreciate it. Come to think of it, you’ve done it more than once. Reminds me to do the same for others.
~ Anonymous
What is one kind thing you could say about someone else? Now go tell them.
