Today we celebrated Mel's birthday as a family of four. Chris, Shane, Mel and I lunched at The Seafood Grill, part of the Merivale Fish Market. Shane proposed an interesting topic of conversation: talk about something you'd like to do that no longer exists.

— "I'd like to rent a movie at Blockbuster," I started.

— "I want to go have lunch at Cucina Barone," Mel said, referring to a café in Westboro that we often visited.

— "And order Anna's beet ball sandwich," I added.

— "I want to pick up some groceries at Steinberg's," Chris offered. "Or maybe Loeb."

— "We could go to Gym Jam," Shane suggested, referring to a large indoor play structure that used to be at the Merivale Mall.

— "Let's get some fries at King Andre's Fries," Mel added, in reference to a chip wagon that was in an empty field off Hazeldean Road in Kanata that now has a strip mall on it.

It was an amusing way to wax nostalgic about places we had once loved and are now but memories.

After lunch, we headed to Tailgaters, a sports bar in the Merivale Mall. Mel and I played ping pong while Chris and Shane shot some pool. We loved the venue and the value ($7.50 per person for unlimited pool and ping pong from 12:00 to 6:00 PM).

I've always been a head-of-the-class type of person and a bit of a control freak. I work hard, and I succeed. Cancer is a different kind of challenge, and it's good for me to recognize that.

Sid Levy had a customer named Nicodemus Papadoulos, whom most people called Nick. Levy practised saying his customer's name and used it in full when he met him. With tears in his eyes, Papadoulos said: "Mr. Levy, in all the fifteen years I have been in this country, nobody has ever made the effort to call me by my right name."

Years ago, I took a two-day course on effective communication. One of the concepts in the course was that we all have a board of directors in our head, and we allow different people to assume the role of chairperson. I liked the way the course leader explained the concept: each member of the board is a version of ourselves. One person might be a scared eight-year-old version of us. Another might be a grown-up version. Her question to us was this: "Who sits at the head of your table?"

Chris and I had planned to get married before I retired, as it simplified pension issues. Getting a marriage licence had been on my to-do list for months. However, two days after learning that I had ovarian cancer, obtaining said marriage licence moved from my to-do list to my to-day list. That was the Friday before the long weekend in August. By the Tuesday after the long weekend, Chris and I were married. It was a soggy ceremony on our back deck, but we didn't let a crappy weather forecast deter us.

As [Lucy] Hone grieved the loss of her daughter, she says, she didn't want to feel like a victim. "What I needed most was hope." she says. "I needed a journey through all the anguish, pain and longing." She learned that you can come back from adversity, that there are strategies that work, and that you can make yourself think and act in certain ways that help you navigate tough times.

Melanie makes a point to search for things that she would not have seen had she not gone for a walk. This helps to make her solo walks more interesting and gives her an opportunity to practice gratitude. This approach has proven to be an antidote to the cabin fever she has felt, from time to time, since the start of the pandemic. It's so easy to spend your time going from room to room and screen to screen, she explained. Getting out for a walk changes the scenery.

Rather than dwell on what was amiss in her body, [Christina] Costa focused on what was going right—not only what her body was doing to heal itself, but also what her healthcare team was doing to treat her cancer. "I started to feel such an immense sense of gratitude for science, medicine and my medical team, that those thoughts started to drown out the 'What is my life going to be like?' thoughts." Her practice of gratitude included thanking her brain for its amazing work, jotting down three things she was grateful for each morning, and writing thank you notes to her heroes in health care. She recognized nurses who successfully inserted the IV the first time, the anesthesiology resident who held her hand during the awake portions of her surgery, the radiation therapist who played her playlist during treatment, and administrative staff who greeted her every time she walked into the hospital.

My point is this: do not put off enjoying today because you're waiting to get through a difficult period—a proverbial winter. Sure, there will be days when you want to curl up under the covers and cry at the challenges you're facing. And you should allow yourself to do that from time to time, just as I remained indoors today. But don't stay there. Find beauty in the midst of hardship. Keep living, loving and laughing even on the difficult days. Spring will come eventually, but enjoy the winter in the interim.

Today's newsletter from James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, included this quote: "Every winner has an archive of losses, but each attempt creates the chance for a victory." ... When I failed in my role as a manager, I would beat myself up—for days or weeks. But that painful self-awareness was the first step in learning what errors to avoid and how to bring about positive change. As Maya Angelou says, "When you know better, you do better."

"Cultivate joy by inviting others to share their victories. You might ask: 'What was the bright spot of your day?' or 'I could use some good news. What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?'"

~ Juli Fraga

"People start to heal the moment they feel heard."

~ Cheryl Richardson

The key to getting better at accepting help is recognizing the insecurities that make us reluctant to take the assistance, and changing the narrative in our heads when what we're telling ourselves doesn't serve us. Taking the aid offered by another person doesn't mean I'm a failure; it means I'm human. Everybody needs a hand from time to time. I deserve support. If the person offering help is trustworthy, I can be confident that they want to be of service, not feel superior to me. I like to help others and will happily return this person's favour in the future or pay their kindness forward to someone else. If I consent to the support, this person may take a different approach from me, but perhaps I'll learn something.

As we left the store, Mel spotted an elderly gentleman wearing a bright red sweater with white Christmas designs. "Love your sweater," she commented. The man, looking only slightly surprised, flashed a big smile and replied, "Thanks! Giant Tiger. $25." It was like he had scored a hat trick: great sweater, great price, great compliment.