I love the quote "There is a child inside each one of us, who comes out in front of the person we are most comfortable with." I felt like that today as Chris, Shane, Mel and I spent part of the day together, laughing over silly jokes. Among my contributions was this one: "When I was a kid, my English teacher looked my way and said, 'name two pronouns.' I said, 'who me?'" Mel offered: "How do you know an elephant's been in your fridge? Footprints in the butter." The jokes Shane and Chris shared were very funny, but a little risqué to be repeated in Jenesis. Shane has an incredible memory for dialogue. Whenever I ask him to do a sketch from a show, he can reproduce it faithfully, complete with accents. Honestly, his version is always better than the original.

The kids had a few errands to run, so we did them as a family, including having lunch together at Sansotei Ramen on Merivale Road and taking a family selfie in front of a wall of pink flowers at Mochi Bake House on Baseline Road.

When we got back to Kanata, Mel and I headed out for one planned task (to deposit a cheque in the bank) only to complete three more (stopping at the Dollar Store for a wall calendar, the Hazeldean Branch of the Ottawa Public Library for some Asterix books, and Farm Boy for coffee). We returned home to café au lait that Chris had made for us and shared a delicious cream puff that we had bought at the Mochi Bake House.

It was a memorable family day. Now on to more memories.

"When day comes we step out of the shade,

aflame and unafraid

The new dawn blooms as we free it

For there is always light,

If only we're brave enough to see it

If only we're brave enough to be it"

~ Amanda Gorman, "The Hill We Climb"

I'm not sure why "whoever starts the conversation sets the tone" has never taken off. To me, it's a simple statement reminding us that our approach often triggers the response we get. I am always astounded when I see people speak to others in anger only to be taken aback when they encounter anger in return. I saw this many times as a director of client services. What I witnessed, again and again, was that anger wasn't just matched, it was escalated.

"Margaret Marilyn DeAdder, professional clipper of coupons, baker of cookies, terror behind the wheel, champion of the underdog, ruthless card player, and self-described Queen Bitch, died on Tuesday, January 19, 2021.... In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you do something nice for somebody else unexpectedly, and without explanation."

~ Michael de Adder, eulogy for his mother, Margaret Marilyn DeAdder

"You can choose to focus on each awful, imperfect experience. You can assume the worst possible outcome and expect people to fail you. Or you can allow yourself to be in awe of what is right, beautiful, sacred, and profound. You can choose to focus on what makes you feel aligned with the extraordinary life you hope for. You can expect people to surprise and delight you in the best possible ways. What you focus on is what will become your truth. Choose wisely."

~ Cyndie Spiegel, A Year of Positive Thinking

Time has always been a great healer for me. I know—even when I'm feeling discouraged—that I will bounce back in a few hours or a day. In fact, I began to feel better over the course of writing this post. That's why I hesitated to share this writing. I don't want people to worry about me, or to be concerned when they read this at some point in the future, when I will no doubt once again be feeling my old, optimistic self.

I'm reminded of the Albert Schweitzer quote: "Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another." Thanks to your feedback, I feel that my optimism has been rekindled. I did awake hopeful and happy again.

From my own experience, two things in particular make us reluctant to seek help for ourselves. The first is the stigma associated with acknowledging that we are struggling, especially in a culture that recognizes and rewards warriors. The second is a reticence to make things even more challenging for our colleagues, many of whom are also feeling exhausted. When I was in the workplace, I tried to always be strong and to take the burden off others, even if it meant placing it on my shoulders. And it took me a full week to step away from work after my diagnosis with ovarian cancer because I didn't want to let my team down. In the end, I did step away, and it was OK. As I said to someone today, only you know how bad you're hurting. Tell someone; it's the first step toward getting the help you need. Sometimes just talking about a difficulty we're encountering can provide relief, and it almost always provides a fresh perspective.

My story may serve as a cautionary tale to those who think that they must give everything to their jobs because they possess unique skills and experience that no one else can bring to their tasks. Yes, we each have a unique combination of abilities and background that make us well suited for our jobs, but someone else—with a different set of competencies—could be equally proficient at our jobs, particularly with the benefit of a few months of experience. To our work colleagues, we may be unforgettable. But to our family members, we are irreplaceable.

"I have seen better days, but I have also seen worse. I don't have everything that I want, but I do have all I need. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. My life may not be perfect, but I am blessed."

~ Author unknown

My favourite truth is #5, especially "giving from a place of emptiness only leads to resentment." From time to time, I have suggested to loved ones and have had to remind myself: "If giving makes you feel good, keep giving. But if giving makes you feel resentful, stop giving." That resentment may come from exhaustion or from a lack of recognition, or both. Regardless, resentment is often a red flag that you need to take a break, either to restore your energy or to get some distance from an emotionally draining relationship.

Just listen. Don't feel compelled to offer advice or to help the person get out of the legitimate funk they're in. And don't try to relate to the newly diagnosed person by mentioning that your aunt died of cancer.

Both during my cancer journey and looking back on it now, I recognize that—even during the most difficult months—I lived. I felt gratitude. I saw beauty. I celebrated. I was present in the lives of my loved ones and invested in what they were interested in.

"Can you say tonight, in parting with the day that's slipping fast,

That you helped a single brother of the many that you passed?

Is a single heart rejoicing over what you did or said;

Does a man whose hopes were fading now with courage look ahead?"

~ Edgar Guest, "Have You Earned Your Tomorrow"

"There is a child inside each one of us, who comes out in front of the person we are most comfortable with."

~ Author unknown